2011 really was a great year for me—mostly because of all the things that I didn’t do.
This year, I didn’t become a crazy celebrity who was married for 72 days.
This year, I didn’t get hit by a train.
This year, I didn’t jump off the SWKT or tell anyone else to. (Well, maybe I did tell someone else to, but they didn’t do it, so I’m not a murderer. Or a murderess. Is murderess even a real word?)
This year, I didn’t write any hit songs about days of the week.
This year, I didn’t get lost in any foreign countries. I also didn’t have to sneak into any public transportation systems in the foreign countries I didn’t get lost in.
This year, I didn’t try to give my phone number to J-Biebs and end up giving it to a kajillion people via Twitter.
This year, I didn’t join the presidential race. Three Mormons in the running would just be too much, don’t you think?
This year, I didn’t have my facial hair cut off as part of a hate crime.
This year, I didn’t have to sue anyone because they made a Barbie that looked like me. (And we’re all grateful no one made a Barbie that looked like me. It just wouldn’t sell.)
This year, I wasn’t a deposed dictator. Or a dead one. Or a dictator at all.
This year, I didn’t get kicked off an airplane for playing Words with Friends.
May 2012 be just as wonderful for you and for me! Happy New Year!